Facts of life!

Sitting near the window, I was staring out at the raindrops lashing against the glass panes. My thoughts were all over the place. I was thinking idly about all the years that I had spent on earth. So many years of growing up; playing different roles at different times. When I look back, I wonder was it me then, the same person, who used to go to school holding the hands of my kid sisters. It is so different now…work, responsibilities, stress, and most importantly the endless battle of maintaining a good image in front of all.

You can’t live as you want to, you can’t say this and that, you have to maintain all the protocol and you can’t show your true emotions to anyone. All you have to do is abide by the rules of the society, the rules which some weird nutcase had formulated epochs ago. And strangely enough, people don’t mind following these rules even in this modern era. I was chatting with a friend about this the other day and she also seconded me on this, saying when rules and customs become rampant, life takes a backseat. When societal, familial and professional pressures impinge on our daily lives, we feel so bewildered, so stupefied!

How many times do we undergo identity crisis in our lives? How often do we undergo the identity versus role confusion?

Perhaps, we generally encounter this confusion because we constantly experience transitions in life and our roles and identities change. We oscillate between different areas of functioning: occupational role, values, prejudices, ethics and gender.

Sometimes a child, sometimes a parent and sometimes a spouse…gosh, the roles are endless. Initially we have dreams…big ones…but as we grow older they start deflating. From hot air balloons to bubbles to nothing! I had lost my identity when I married. Then again when my first child was born. And yet again when there is such a plateau stage in life at times, when nothing new ever happens, the total existence becomes stagnant and one wonders, “Why should I wake up tomorrow?” But so many of us actually don’t have the courage to fight or change things. We wear a smile on our face, sigh and say, “Well, that’s life!”

Shame on us if we can’t change. Shame on us if we can’t take the reins of life in our own hands. I have fought endlessly. And I have brought about change! I can’t give up my life to the demanding circumstances. I can’t bow down for mercy at all times. I have learnt how to fight. I have metamorphosed from the caterpillar to the butterfly. It took me some time to break out of the cocoon, but here I am!

There are so many small things in life that bring change and fill up the otherwise drab daily life. Small things like a quiet family dinner, a discussion, a (meaningful) soap on TV, a book, coffee with friends, a long distance phone call, just being silly, a family outing, a day at the beautician’s, shopping…I can go on and on. Small changes that we bring on ourselves make our lives livable, that make us feel – I am important as I am, not for the roles that I play.

Just last Sunday, I wanted to bring some change in our routine. My younger son complained one Sunday, “I hate Sundays. We only work and do our homework”. I had to change that notion. He had apparently read about a family picnic in his text book and I caught him eying the coveted picture of the family sitting on a mat and enjoying a picnic.

I planned a family picnic on Sunday. The smile on the kids’ faces when I announced this overwhelmed me. I fulfilled yet another duty as a parent. And there was no identity crisis. We just loved the picnic. Tiny things bring so much joy. All we need to do is rise up and move on. There’s no point in depending on anyone to come and change your life. I guess we have to do it ourselves!

Just wanted to share some pix with you...

Sitting near the wind

The ‘F’ Word

My blog. My first post. Feels good.

Well, I am Seema. I live in Bangalore and I am a content writer. But those, I suppose, are the most insignificant and uninteresting details about my existence. There can be more interesting information about a person's life rather than these quintessential details alone. I, for one, have always believed that it is not possible to know about a person even after a dozen meetings. There are such subtle nuances embedded in a person's characteristics that are even difficult for the person to figure out all at once.

When encountered by questions like: What do you like most? Or, what is it that you dislike? - I am posed with a serious threat. It really makes me wonder, do I know myself enough? After several days of soul searching, I found out that there is much in me that is undiscovered or maybe, things that can describe me and not what I do.

That's where the 'F' word makes a grand entry. The most important thing about me is the fact that I am a female. Born in a society which is subjected to gender conditioning, I have had my fair share of good and bad, mostly being in the receiving end. But with age I have learnt and intensified the power within me (the 'shakti', that is undoubtedly present in all females, only some are oblivious of it) which makes me armed with greater pride about my sex. Subjugation, suppression and hostility - all can go on from the male dominated society. But I am confident that life in my family wouldn’t have been hunky-dory if I were not there. That's my reason to feel powerful...a powerful daughter, sister, wife and a mother!

Fantasy is the next word that can describe me. Imagine a world without ideas or fantasy? What is fantasy today is reality tomorrow. I bask in fantasy, always dreaming of the things that I am yet to achieve. Sometimes, they turn to reality, sometimes they remain as myths. But the fact that they exist for me spurs fresh energy in me to move on. And I must confess that I am a die hard romantic. So my life is meaningless sans fantasy.

My feelings are highly deep seated. I have always let my heart rule my head and I hardly regret. Be it feelings of agony or ecstasy, I have carried them with me and have built my life based on them.

My world begins and ends with friends and fun. Can't survive for too long keeping my nose to the grindstone. As much as one cannot describe me as frivolous, it is also not apt to tag me as grave. Regular breaks are sacrosanct in my work pattern which always pump me up with sporadic renewals of enthusiasm.

Fun for me is a beach surrounded by coconut groves, blue sea and sparkling white sand where I can lie on a hammock with my favourite work of fiction. Reading is quite a luxury for me – all thanks to my perpetual effort of balancing work and life. But every time I’m blessed with some free time I surrender myself to a book. I hate non-fiction – wonder how people devour pages and pages of ‘gyan’. I’m all for the dreamy eyed hero (could even be a vampire) in a romantic novel or a spine tingling thriller, a scintillating drama or even a short story which leaves me wondering even after days of finishing it.

Most Bongs are food freaks, and I am no exception. Never mind if my culinary skills are rather limited, but my taste buds aren’t. Life would have fewer flavors without the right taste buds. Trying different types of food is part of my weekend regime. Here, I am blessed with a spouse who equally indulges in this original sin. Saturday and Sunday evenings are spent splurging in various cuisines and Monday mornings are stored for guilt, repentance and regret for adding another ounce of cellulite to the body. I hold onto this feeling strongly till weekend approaches and the devil looms large again. Who cares? Pity the ones who eat to live!

Another welcome devilish passion of my life is footwear. I have lost count of the number of pairs I have, albeit every trip to Commercial Street makes me feel that I don’t even have a single pair worth wearing the next day.

To keep these devils at bay, there is yet another ‘F’ in my life – faith. No, not a fastidious devout, strangulated with the minutia of religion; just a God fearing individual, aware of the power of the omnipotent. Probably, the greatest driving force behind my existence – which makes me believe in myself.

That’s me in a nutshell. Finding me was a welcome sojourn. Life maybe short, but it’s my life after all. Let’s enjoy to the fullest. Let’s live and let live! The ‘F’ word after all is my path finder, a reflection of me as an individual – it’s my looking glass!