Facts of life!

Sitting near the window, I was staring out at the raindrops lashing against the glass panes. My thoughts were all over the place. I was thinking idly about all the years that I had spent on earth. So many years of growing up; playing different roles at different times. When I look back, I wonder was it me then, the same person, who used to go to school holding the hands of my kid sisters. It is so different now…work, responsibilities, stress, and most importantly the endless battle of maintaining a good image in front of all.

You can’t live as you want to, you can’t say this and that, you have to maintain all the protocol and you can’t show your true emotions to anyone. All you have to do is abide by the rules of the society, the rules which some weird nutcase had formulated epochs ago. And strangely enough, people don’t mind following these rules even in this modern era. I was chatting with a friend about this the other day and she also seconded me on this, saying when rules and customs become rampant, life takes a backseat. When societal, familial and professional pressures impinge on our daily lives, we feel so bewildered, so stupefied!

How many times do we undergo identity crisis in our lives? How often do we undergo the identity versus role confusion?

Perhaps, we generally encounter this confusion because we constantly experience transitions in life and our roles and identities change. We oscillate between different areas of functioning: occupational role, values, prejudices, ethics and gender.

Sometimes a child, sometimes a parent and sometimes a spouse…gosh, the roles are endless. Initially we have dreams…big ones…but as we grow older they start deflating. From hot air balloons to bubbles to nothing! I had lost my identity when I married. Then again when my first child was born. And yet again when there is such a plateau stage in life at times, when nothing new ever happens, the total existence becomes stagnant and one wonders, “Why should I wake up tomorrow?” But so many of us actually don’t have the courage to fight or change things. We wear a smile on our face, sigh and say, “Well, that’s life!”

Shame on us if we can’t change. Shame on us if we can’t take the reins of life in our own hands. I have fought endlessly. And I have brought about change! I can’t give up my life to the demanding circumstances. I can’t bow down for mercy at all times. I have learnt how to fight. I have metamorphosed from the caterpillar to the butterfly. It took me some time to break out of the cocoon, but here I am!

There are so many small things in life that bring change and fill up the otherwise drab daily life. Small things like a quiet family dinner, a discussion, a (meaningful) soap on TV, a book, coffee with friends, a long distance phone call, just being silly, a family outing, a day at the beautician’s, shopping…I can go on and on. Small changes that we bring on ourselves make our lives livable, that make us feel – I am important as I am, not for the roles that I play.

Just last Sunday, I wanted to bring some change in our routine. My younger son complained one Sunday, “I hate Sundays. We only work and do our homework”. I had to change that notion. He had apparently read about a family picnic in his text book and I caught him eying the coveted picture of the family sitting on a mat and enjoying a picnic.

I planned a family picnic on Sunday. The smile on the kids’ faces when I announced this overwhelmed me. I fulfilled yet another duty as a parent. And there was no identity crisis. We just loved the picnic. Tiny things bring so much joy. All we need to do is rise up and move on. There’s no point in depending on anyone to come and change your life. I guess we have to do it ourselves!

Just wanted to share some pix with you...

Sitting near the wind