The Alpha Male

He comes; he sees; he conquers!

The Alpha male – from Julius Caesar to Chulbul Pandey – they are all the same.

Typically, ready to dominate wherever they are and whoever they are with. Commanding and challenging all and sundry, they are always of the notion that they are God’s greatest creation. Such is this chauvinism that they believe that every attempt at kindness towards the weaker sex is stooping to the lowest level. They don’t care to please the world but the world surely exists to please them.

Two minutes in the shower, five minutes preening in front of the mirror, and there they are – all ready and set to rule the world. Among animals, the alpha is the one in the community or pack with the highest rank. According to Wikipedia, the alpha animals are given preference to be the first to eat and the first to mate; among some species they are the only animals in the pack allowed to mate. Now, just imagine that privilege! However, among the human species, all men are the alpha. They all are of the highest order as compared to all women who are among the beta, gamma, delta and omega of God’s creations.

Let’s look at them at home. They walk in after work, bravely bearing the load of the entire family on their able shoulders, and immediately the world comes to know that the overworked provider of the household has just returned. He is tired, famished and needs all the peace, quiet, pampering and good food at home. Children need to shut up, wife needs to be out of her private corner and busy herself with her husband’s welfare. She is also supposed to keep mum when he throws his shoes and socks all over the place and sheds his soiled and smelly clothes in little mounds everywhere. The geyser needs to be switched on before he enters the bathroom to wash off the troubles of his day, wet towels adorn the bed, pajamas are never found…and magically, the command over the remote control suddenly becomes his birthright! The family sulks but watches soccer, Discovery, Nat Geo and the news over and over again as though they had been waiting with bated breath to watch them all day! The invisible ear-plugs that he wears prevent him from hearing all that has happened in the children’s school, the petty and unimportant things that happened in the wife’s office and the like. Romance is Hebrew to this man, who looks at his wife quizzically with arched eyebrows even at the mere mention of that term. However, the idiot box, the laptop and the mobile phone remain his faithful buddies.

It is almost the same story at work. The leader, the boss, the manager – all belong to the same lineage of the alpha. Their gait, their smile, their style – quite enough to keep the poor employees hiding in their cubicles. However, if one dares to sneak a peek at the boss’s monitor, lo and behold, doesn’t that look like Facebook? So there’s fun and frolic under the veil of the workaholic boss. Most of us either don’t know or wouldn’t dare to know because the purpose must be ‘networking’ for the next official contract that will keep the office afloat and the salaries of the miserable work-shirking employees paid. You are expected to laugh at his humorless jokes, gape in admiration at his work and nod assertively, beg him, plead him, flatter him and remind him all the time how blessed you are to have him as your boss. Of course, all that despite how much you loathe him.

Let’s look at a party scene now. The alpha male is seen here amidst loads of hovering women, where he constantly tries to steal the show either by boasting about his achievements or by cracking cheap jokes. They are the Mr. Know-It-Alls and can lecture you on any topic under the sun. Booze to them is like their saliva. The thirst for booze is never satiated. Some of them even take great pride in showing off their high intake capacity. They showcase their physical prowess or brag about their intellectual genius to lull many a lonely soul.

Well, the alpha male does have his good points too, if only a handful. But there are tons of books and journals written on them already. So I wouldn’t want to occupy cyber space with that. Guys, I don’t have any particular dislike for this species. It’s just that, there are so many of them all around that it merely triggered an urge to write about them. I’m also sure that any sane and sensible beta or gamma (read woman) knows her alpha jolly well. Maybe we can’t do without them or maybe without them, life would be absolutely inactive.

But most importantly, without them, there wouldn’t be anything to bitch about ;) !!